I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
