Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
