mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
