So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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