moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
