Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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