Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
