life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
