Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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