I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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