Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
