i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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