Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
