Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
