She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
