I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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