so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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