I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
