Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i now understand why vodka
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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