I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
