it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
