Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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