you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
