i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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