So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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