he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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