Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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