overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
