I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
