i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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