R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
