Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
