im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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