Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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