i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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