It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
