last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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