Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
