No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
