Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
