it hurts more in the daytime
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
