he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
