We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
