I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
