I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
pray to the hookup gods
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
