i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
