You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
