I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
