I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He better not be in your backpack
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
