Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
