Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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