Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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