I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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