so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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