She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
