My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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