i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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