I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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