I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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