maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
