Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
